In all of this almost 20 years of living I have seen some insights of what love could be all about. And I’ve learnt a few things that may be useful for you. I don’t know everything and I’ll never do. When it comes to love I’m just a baby, just starting to crawl, but I had some experiences and, especially in the last four months, I’ve changed a lot of solid ideas I had buildt for myself. That’s something that just comes with love itself, so… here we go:
1 – No matter what kind of idea you have about romantic love: someone will change that. The experience of the daily life will burn everything down. Sometimes it can be pretty awful, but it can also be something wonderful to watch.
2 – People change their minds. No matter how often they say those words we all like to hear, they still can change their minds. You too, dear. You can also be so sure about something and someday you will wake up questioning everything. It doesn’t means that they were lying all the time. It’s just that people are like weather. There can be days when the sun will burn so high, and then they can rain all over you. But sometimes the rain can go away and the sun may rise another time.
3 – You need to learn how to dialogue. There are a lot of things that are important when it comes to relationships, but I’ve never seen anything more important than the simple act of sitting down with your partner and discuss the relationship. I’m not talking about fights – although they are not always a bad thing – but about sitting in front of them and looking into their eyes. And talk. Darling, you need to lear to dialogue, about the good and the bad, about the not-so-pretty attitudes and also about the nice ones. And about the future. The future is uncertain? Yes, it is. I’ve told you that people change their minds? I did. But you need to build something safe for two. Cause no matter how crazy you may think I am for saying this – sometimes people stay.
4 – People have bad days. There will be days that your person will look awful, wish unwashed hair and dark circles around their eyes. Their face will look terrible and they may not be so romantic and lovely as always. Maybe they will say some shitty things that they will regret latter. And there’s three things about that: 1 – They will still look like the most beautiful person in the world for you. Even with the unwashed hair and the dar circles; 2 – You need to learn about patience in these bad days. When they are not so nice to you, lovely or all romantic. Remember the good days and keep them on your mind; 3 – It doesn’t mean you have to accept everything. No, you CAN’T. There is a huge difference between being not-so-nice and being agressive. Never accept any kind of screams, offense or harm like a normal thing.
5 – We are all doomed. We, those who are in love, are doomed. Everyone of us. We are all taking risks, everyday. There’s nothing sure in anything. You can never do enough math. You can never think of any possible thing that may happen. You are never prepared. When your heart breaks, it crashes. There’s nothing you can do about it.
6 – There is also something beautiful about that. In living your life not being sure about everything. Love is fragile, such a tiny flame. There are a lot of thing that can make it keep burning, but nothing can stop the water if it decides to pour onto it. This is magical, actually. Love is always a risk. A beautiful, bittersweet risk.
7 – Some of us will be lucky enough to spend their whole lives with the one they had choose. Some of us, the really blessed ones, will grow old holding hands with the risks they took. It happened before, it happens everyday. We just can’t know who are the lucky ones.
8 – It’s not love that keeps the relationship going. It’s the way you relate to that person that holds love. Two people can love each other so, so hard. But that’s not the only thing that matters. It’s about learning how to deal the daily problems. The bad days. The tears. It’s about showing who you really are. It’s about trust and honesty.
9 – After all I have seen, I can say that I believe that there’s some kind of destiny that works in the romantic love. There’s always a reason why everything had gone wrong until then. There’s always someone waiting after all the thunders. And I do believe some people are meant for each other, so they can learn from each other experiences and maybe build a pretty future for them. Sometimes you look into someone’s eyes and you just know that the universe made it’s own ways for you two to be there, holding hands.
10 – I said all of these things, but I still don’t know anything and the rules change everyday, there’s not a single day that I don’t learn something new about love. But I do believe that sometimes, even with everything that I said about people changing their minds, love can heal. Love can mend your bones. Love can be so soft and nice to you that you will forget about all the times you didn’t believe that it could happen to you. There’s always this person. This one who mend you, the one who can make you the happiest and the sadder. Your “risk”. I have mine. My risk loves me so hard that I’m almost loving myself. And for all of it, she will be my risk until all the math I have been doing goes wrong. But maybe, just maybe, I can be one of the lucky ones. That’s my risk. Who’s yours?